Porn and beer go together like Sarah Palin and crazy, and no other pairing encapsulates a full night that requires going nowhere.

As a fan of Asian women, you spout off Japanese AV stars as your favorites, while the best your friends can come up with is Jenna Jameson. When people make offhand jokes about the supposed shenanigans of Japanese porn, you crack a knowing smile because, well, you’ve seen everything they’re talking about and more. In fact, you know Japanese to understand everything that your favorite lady says between her nuanced, breathy sighs in those videos.

You, my friend, are a true otaku of Japanese porn.

But what about the beer? In this post from Peter Payne, an American ex-pat living in Japan and the guy who runs J-List (the source for Hello Kitty vibrators and adult-sized Japanese school girl uniforms in the US), brewer Kirin plans on replacing the formula of its tasty Ichiban Shibori libation with hops, instead of the rice it traditionally uses.

The fact that Kirin uses rice instead of hops is interesting to anyone who’s ever had a passing interest in beer (read: anyone who went to college), but the post is also an interesting story of how the beverage found its way to Japan.

Beer in Japan

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Will nothing come easy for these females who are so easy on the eyes?

They are in Japan, apparently, where the beautiful struck a blow against discrimination by putting their more average Japanese sex worker sisters in the unemployment line.

Japanese news reports noted that “operators” of sex businesses are finding “pretty women” looking for work due to the recession. Julia Roberts could not be found for a comment, nor was it known if any of these operators answered to the name of Huggy Bear.

Showing a gift for the obvious,’50s slang enthusiast and reporter Yukio Kamimura said, “Good-looking dames are necessary to bring back repeat customers.”

Of more interest to daddy-o’s and hip cats everywhere, however, is the fact that women are encouraged to do more. Massage parlors that usually limited services to “sumata,” or penile labial massage, are now giving the OK to go all the way. Other women are following the example of spray-on hair and the Super Bass-o-Matic, going direct to the consumer by offering more for less than a “rub down.”

Plain Janes out in the cold as sex businesses attract beauties

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What is important is that the universal feelings of expectations that can’t ever be met and that one is an incomplete mutant if you’re not locking lips on Feb. 14 is also Japanese.

But rather than wallow and write lyrics to bad goth music — and don’t say you’ve never done that — Japanese men and women celebrate their, um… celibacy. Calling their movement “himote,” mo-toko (dudes) and mo-jo (chicks) eschew any activities that attract the opposite sex and relationships that will lead to romantic entanglements.

On the upside, there’s never any awkwardness about who pays for dinner. Or whether watching porn on a date is a good idea.

Mo-Tokos and Mo-Jos feel that relationships hinder “the potential for personal realization,” which, strangely, is exactly how I feel about my ex-girlfriends.

Himote: Japan’s unpopular men and women boycott love

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Proving once again that they live 10 years ahead of the rest of the world in some kind of rip in time-space, Japan makes another stride to robots being those of the heroic and friendly Astroboy variety — or another step towards a dyspeptic, Terminator-inspired future.

For the time being, though, a rent-a-cop sentrybot was demonstrated by Tmsuk Co. and Alacom Co. Rather than a payload of miniguns and phased-plasma rifle in the 40 watt range, though, it fires a net.

You know, like Spiderman… and not like ED-209.

Then again, maybe the subway gropers and underskirt scofflaws shouldn’t beware that much.

Japanese firms unveil ‘robocop’

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January marks the annual pilgrimage of thousands to Las Vegas to view the latest and greatest in consumer electronics at the annual CES show. It’s one of the largest, if not the largest, trade shows in Vegas and if you work in anything close to an industry that uses microprocessors and/or electricity, you have to be there.

Or at least, that’s what the thousands who come to Vegas tell their wives, because after all, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Or at least, you hope that herpes you got in Vegas from that hooker who says she was woman stays in Vegas (it won’t and she wasn’t).

In this case, “going to CES” is an excuse to see the latest and greatest porn and porn stars at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo, conveniently held at about the same time. But unlike shows of the past, this year’s AVN show marked a significant and very obvious omission to any Asianphile.

No Asian porn stars.

There were the usual blonde-haired, blue-eyed, silicone-boobed suspects but nothing from the land of fugu sashimi and hentai.

Usually, a few Japanese companies show up at the show with demure kimono-clad women in tow. Third World Media for example, flew out Junko, from The Kimono Kronicles, and Mirai Haneda, star of Hello Titty 3 last year.

This year, however, there were none to be found. The exception being a Japanese salesgirl pimping a sex toy that looked like a food processor you could stick your johnson in.

You know, like Saw meets Porky’s. Aaahhh… Japan.

True Asian believers, what was your experience at the AVN Show?

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