Hey kids, blinding yourself isn’t just for fictional Greek kings caught up in (literal) Oedipal complexes gone wrong — it’s also for anyone who’s ever wondered how Pokeman, Astro Boy and Doraimon look like in their underwear.

Never wondered about it before this? Probably because you aren’t some kind of social deviant? Well, welcome to the hell I experienced when I opened this Topless Robot post.

I do have to say though, that I am very surprised at how dedicated these anime characters are to hitting the gym.

This One’s for the Ladies

The AVN Awards Show? Been there. Done that. Got kicked out of it.

See, all the cool kids are heading to Japan for the Adult Broadcasting Awards. While we’re impressed with Lisa Ann playing Sarah Palin, the Japanese are light years beyond us in shock value, with “40-year-old Chisato Shoda (Dynamite TV), who is known for her maternal roles in incest-themed features.”

Obviously MILF has been taken to a whole new level in Japan. Like robots.

Of course, Japanese porn being Japanese porn, there has to be something just plain bizarre. Enter smut David Lynch could love, the Nude Sign Language News, winner of Best Program. The news show’s presenter, Momo Kaede, panders to the hearing impaired by delivering current events in sign and stripping between motions.

Even the speeches were characteristically Japanese in their do-your-best sort of way. Rather than Jenna Jameson telling the world that she’ll never spread her legs for this business again, outgoing Best Actress Rio told her successor Kirara Asuka, “After I won I had such a great year and received tremendous support from my fans. I hope you will use this as an opportunity to further excel in your career.”

Kirara Asuka ascends to Best Actress at 2009 AV awards

No, it’s Kawasaki isn’t some new AV star and the big dick in question isn’t some sumo wrestler named Richard — it’s the Kanamara Matsuri, or Festival of the Giant Steel Phallus, parade held on the first Sunday of every April in Kawasaki.

It’s like the Rose Bowl Parade, only with a giant pink penis making its way through the streets, with cross-dressing marchers bringing their own large wangs for everyone to see. All these cocks, of course, represent fertility so it’s for a good cause like a breast cancer run or buying Girl Scout cookies.

Only, you know, with dicks.

Actually, it’s nothing like the Rose Bowl Parade but it is a great excuse to walk down a street next to a giant pink penis while holding your own hand carved penis and sucking on dick-shaped candy while in drag — and really, what could make for a better Sunday afternoon?

Phallus Parade in Japan