Cracked.com, the scholarly online journal that brought brilliant lists like “6 Ways that Porn Rules the World” and “8 Reasons Competitive Eating is the Worst Thing Ever” as well as nemesis to Alfred E. Neuman, came out with its own short history of Japan filled with facts not unlike a country report from the Economist Intelligence Unit.
Pointing out that Japan’s culture stretches back to 30,000 BC (or as the website puts it, way older than dinosaurs if you’re Sarah Palin), Cracked.com describes the country’s art as, “The Japanese have a rich tradition of blah blah woodcut blah blah haiku blah…more importantly, the Japanese are known for rubber monster suits, hentai, insane game shows, ear-splitting pop music, giant robots and awesome sword fights.”
And with regards to religion: “Theirs is also a spirituality rife with magical nutsack raccoons and heavenly penises.”
While the weirdness of Japanese game shows is nothing nothing new, but making a contest out of putting your face between a pair of boobs is something that Fox needs to bring to the US right now — or the terrorists really have won.
I can only guess that in this game, playing is its own reward. Unless you don’t make it to the boobies. Then it’s just the agony of defeat.
It’s not often that I talk about mainstream movies. Trust me, I’ve been choking down the urge to write about Blade Runner and Encino Man.
But in this case, it’s relevant. As someone who’s written his share of porn scripts, I firmly believe the best adult movies are ones that can only be told with graphic sex. The sex should be a natural progression of the story, not the only reason for the story.
There are very few movies that fit this criteria. Fewer still that were produced by the adult studios in the Valley and to be fair, nothing I’ve ever written satisfies that ideal.
Nagisa Oshima’s In the Realm of the Senses is the first movie I was exposed to that made me aware of films that told intelligent adult story telling that didn’t shy away from sex or use it a gimmick. Produced in 1976 by a United Nations of financial backers, which I’m told by XBiz/XFanz’s Tod Hunter included the Shah of Iran. It’s also one of the latest movies added to the Criterion Collection, the company that invented the DVD special edition and pioneered bonus features like cast and crew commentaries.
It’s the true story of sexual obsession between and its downward spiral — how a woman and a man’s purely physical relationship, fully explored, leads to their demise. The sex is graphic and the ending (cut from the Japanese print, and still censored in the country today) is not for the squeamish.
The female lead of the cast, Eiko Matsuda, was shunned in Japanese film and theater after the release of the movie. While AV idols are now celebrated despite coming from the adult side of the entertainment business, Matsuda was exiled into obscurity. It could be that Matsuda’s true life counterpart, Sada Abe, made Lorena Bobbit look rational. Or, as an essay on Criterion’s website points out, Matsuda seemed to be “doing it all for foreigners” in their uncut versions of the movie.
For any enthusiast of Asian erotica, In the Realm of the Senses is a must see and while it’s not an easy movie to watch (particularly in the end), it is satisfying in its execution as art and as an important Japanese film.
Say hello to the newest X-rated pretty thing from Japan, Saori Hara. She’s only made three movies, but she’s No. 8 on japaneseav.com’s list of top AV actresses.
She’s a former gravure idol (models who pose in swimsuits and leotards) and is a poster girl for adult studio Soft on Demand’s STOP! STD Campaign. Like other AV stars, she’s a celebrity in the Japanese mainstream as much as she is in the country’s adult industry.
Like all the kids these days, she has a blog written in Japanese. It serves as good inspiration for non-Nihongo readers, like myself, to learn the language.
Judging from the photos on her blog, she likes cats, buckwheat soba and wears glasses occasion. All the rest, I’ll have to make up. Like how she’s madly in love with American-Japanese who can’t read Japanese.
Contrary to what one may think, it is not easy finding older women in Thailand. The streets are packed with young girls; yet the MILFS stay hidden away and out of site. Third World Media sent a specialist into Thailand, and after a 2 year hunt, we have managed to crown another group of women called Mama-sans!
Sa says she is 23 years old but you can expect that to be more like 32. Her tits are big and her tummy a little flabby from several kids, but our man on the scene Don has no problems with that at all. He tries his best to flatter her and talk nice, but at the end of the day this Thai Mama-san just wants to fuck and get out of his presence as soon as she can. He chews her box and readies her pussy for a pounding. Her fuck box starts to foam up and she starts to use her experience to ride this old pervert’s cock. She gets fucked in several positions, as Don is foul enough to eat her freshly fucked hole, spit in her pussy and cum all over her chest. He scoops up his own cum and feeds it to his new Thai Mama-san.
Sai Tai is dark and very lovely for an older girl. She is tall for a Thai girl and comes from the north of the country. She likes to show off her body and especially her D cup boobs. Her boobs are big and so is her tummy but she promises Don that her pussy is tight. She warms it up with her fingers working her pierced clit into the equation. She spreads her lips showing off her fresh pink fuck hole before she gets what she is looking for; some white hairy man cock. She sucks his cock and nuts, showing off the years of experience she has. She hops on his cock bareback and talks dirty in English as she rides it in RCG first, This Mama-san has watched too many US pornos as she talks more like someone from Chatsworth than from Bangkok. She pulls his cock out of her own pussy and slaps it against her face, spitting on it and sucking up our guy’s left nut at the same time. He finally puts her flat on the bed and fucks her from behind, pulling out to spray huge all over her tattooed back. She wipes up the excess cum and cleans it all up with her tongue.
Geow has a pretty smile and a school girl costume on as she remembers her youth. She has aged nicely and has never been on a video before. She undresses showing us her flat chest and tight buttocks. Her pussy is shaved and ready for some white meat to penetrate it. Our guy does just that and works her worn out fuck hole over in mish, doggie, spoon and doggie again before begging our dude to cum inside her swollen hole.
Nung (Cover Girl) has a pretty face and claims to be 26 years old, which in Thai years is probably closer to 35. She is very skinny and petite with a very nice smile. She comes from Laos and loves sex, even with old perverts like Don. Her nipples are chocolaty brown and shaped like two swollen raisins; likely do to all the babies that have sucked on them before. Uncle Don uses a low tech vibrator to try to get this Mama-san in the mood, but little reaction is noticed to his stimulus. She does better with his cock in her mouth and his old man dick far up her cunt. He rides her out well and unloads large on her flat chocolate nipple tipped chest.
What’s more in demand in North Korea than kim chee and, well, food in general?
Traffic wardens.
Apparently, in the land of the Great and Dear Leader, large cities employ comely women to direct traffic (what little there is). Given the totalitarian nature of the government, Hollywood stops are probably punishable by death.
These women have physical standards not unlike stewardesses from national airline carriers of the Pacific Rim — in other words, no fatties.
Women have to meet certain physical standards in order to become traffic wardens in North Korea. According to unconfirmed but knowledgeable sources, in addition to being in good health and at least 164cm tall (not consider tall by Western female standards), they must also be no older than 26, unmarried, and apparently, easy on the eyes.
Traffic wardens are the closest thing to sex symbols/porn stars/strippers North Korean men have to objects of desire and lust. They are not unlike Pamela Anderson with summary execution powers and without the hepatitis.
One of the questions that’s always asked when people find out I work in porn is why there’s so few men in it. (The others being how to get into the industry, almost always asked by someone who shouldn’t, and if the scripts in porn are take up one or two cocktail napkins. As the writer of the AVN and XRCO award winning “Ashlynn Goes to College” series, the answer is three, thank you very much.)
It’s a nice way of asking how much longer they’ll have to see the same guys they started watching in movies dating back from the Lincoln administration. And really, it gets a little weird when the guys get older and the girls they’re with get younger.
Japan, land of tentacle porn and birthplace of the bukake, has the same problem. A curious reporter from TBS radio set out to find why there was such a dearth of male talent in the country’s X-rated output — which, unlike the American industry, is on an upswing.
Turns out their differences aren’t so much different than ours. Lots of men want to do it, but find out they can’t, and that they won’t be working only with Marie Ozawa.
I have a rule about tattoos: I would have to want to see whatever I’ve tattooed on me in the morning for the rest of my life and always be happy with it.
As a result, the only tattoo I would be happy with would be The Last Supper or dogs playing poker — because I’m classy like that.
Tats you can’t see don’t count, because really, there’s not much difference between that and a kick me sign. The ones you get in prison don’t count either, because it’s all about survival in the big house — survival and hepatitis. As opposed to ink on the outside being about bad choices and hepatitis.
When women come to me, seeking my wisdom as someone whose great-grandfather came from Japan to translate Chinese tattoos they just got (because if you’re Asian, you come out the womb as a fortune cookie writing black belt ninja who can read anything in Japanese/Chinese), I usually tell them, “Whoa. He tattooed that?” Then I walk away.
Yeah I’m a dick, but it’s not like the girl would have gone out with me.
Anyway, turns out the Chinese are getting English words they don’t understand tattooed on their bodies. Right now it’s Judeo-Christian nonsense (but really, isn’t it all nonsense?) for the most part like “Jesus,” “Church,” “PrayGod,” or “SaintSinner.”
It’s only a matter of time when some Chinese girl wants a “Hottie” tramp stamp in English and gets a “Deliveries in Rear” tat instead.
Japan is jam packed with young cute girls. The problem is getting them to perform on video. These girls are normally a bit shy, quiet and unwilling to publicize their erotic sides. Third World Media has managed to uncover a group of new J-hotties, that are not at all ashamed to show the entire world what makes them qualified to appear in Teen Japan #2.
Mayu is the lovely young Cover girl for this volume. She is dressed up in a see-through, sexy kitten costume with pink ears that match her rosy cheeks and flesh colored pussy. She has short hair and a baby face and is very soft and sensual, as she licks our guy’s inner thighs and sucks his fingers very tenderly. She does the same to his boobs and then finally to his cock. She sucks slow, deep and very diligently, before working her way even farther downward for a good cleansing of his asshole as well. He pulls out her soft and very thick pink tipped titties and stimulates them as she starts to moan and whimper like a little kitty. Her white panties are stained with pussy extract, as her pink fleshy lips spread open and start to build up lots of squirt inside. She hops on RCG and spreads her legs wide open for a little mish as well. Her young pussy is very tight, as our guy holds on to fuck her well and blow a huge wad across her entire pretty face and in her short mane as well. Her cum coated face tells us what kind of girl she really is….
Anri has a round pretty face and a very keen sense of style about her. Her ass is thicker than most J-chicks and she loves her asshole getting licked. Her box is bushy and full of squirt that slushes around inside. A yellow vibe gets her juices running even hotter and it isn’t long before she yearns for a cock in her mouth. She licks, teases and swallows his entire thing and even users her titties to massage his package as well. He plugs her in mish first and works her over well, making her boobs twist in circles, before she bends over doggie for an even harder pouncing. He pulls out and drops a huge, thick one all over her face and up her nose as well. Her cum splattered fuck face is very lovely….
Miho is a schoolgirl with a cute young face and pretty white skin. Her larger than average boobs fill out her pink designer bra, before our guy pulls it off and squeezes her fleshy pink tipped titties. Her cunt is meaty with thick pussy lips that seal in her luscious J-juices. She sucks cock and licks balls like a teen eager to learn more and isn’t afraid to try. She likes big dicks plugging her young hole and we find a big dicked dude to give it to her good. He crams her all over the hotel room and overlooking the busy city street as well in front of the room’s window. Her high white socks never come off, as she cums and cums over and over before getting a massive load landed on her face, up her nose and in her eye too.
Nana is into “Enko” or “play for pay.” Most of the guys contributing to her delinquency are much older than she is but desire young looking girls like herself. She is petite with a bay face and tight body. Her tits are bigger than one would expect for a small girl and she handles herself well, as her much older customer fondles her body and dirties her up a bit. He licks her body down, stopping to chow on her pussy, making her squeak like a little mouse. Only hard cock in her mouth shuts her up, as she sucks on it hard and deep like a piece of candy. Her tiny fuck hole sucks up cock and gets fucked in mish, doggie, cowgirl and several other positions, before this old timer leaves this youngster with a face full of cum.
Meet Angela. In case you’re confused, Angela is not a part of any public or private security force, unless you’re counting Sexy Town, USA, where I am the mayor.
No, this scantily-clad would-be rent-a-cop is a shill for fake locks — which I’m sure, they’re selling by the buttload to men. It’s not like the name of the product, the “Keyhole of Life,” is leading. Or has a double entendre. Or could possibly mean pussy.
The idea behind the fake locks is that would-be burglars would be thrown off by the extra pussy. I mean security. Considering the low crime rate in Japan, fake locks might be enough to deter their native no-goodnicks, but citizens of more crime-ridden municipalities might want to stick to a Remington 870.
