When is a pair of big boobs not a pair of big boobs? It’s a scary thought that no man wants to confront, but such was the quandary the oh-so-subtley named “F-Cup Cookie” from Japan found when Thai officials found it for sale in their country.

Besides the usual stuff you’d expect in a pre-packaged snack food — margarine, wheat, chocolate flavoring and soy powder — there was Pueraria Mirifica, a little something extra for that girl who wants something more than just a nice personality and possibly the only herb with a website and a marketing budget.

Thai officials halted its sales when they discovered the 13.5 gram cookies included about 50 milligrams of the herbs, making it a pharmaceutical product.

What was the supposed effect of the herb Pueraria Mirifica? Why, something better than real herb (and by that I mean marijuana) — Big boobs.

Or not.

Things get confusing from here.

Company literature exclaimed “Finally, we are in an era of large breasts!” I am shitting you not. But if you think by large breasts, you think the company actually meant large breasts and that the tyrannical and fascist reign of the itty bitty titty committee was over, you’d be wrong. In fact the company that manufactures the boob-centric cookies, the Yokoyama Corporation, goes on the record to say that the cookies are only meant to enhance “lady-like elegance and increase a woman’s cuteness.”

Women eating their way to cuteness? What the fuck? What about the boobs?

The company also says the cookie’s name, F-Cup Cookie, has no meaning. You know, like Pocari Sweat or Pocky. Words and letters that, when stuck together, mean nothing.

But the real reason for the chesty doublespeak (who knew Orwellian references could used when talking about boobs?) is probably due to the way Japan’s pharmaceutical laws are written. The use of Pueraria Mirifica would be illegal if it implied it was the sources of great breasts. Implying lady-like elegance and cuteness, apparently, is ok.

In any case, the company has sold 2.5 million of the fuckers to date. Whether it’s because women yearn to be elegant and cute or just have a great rack, no one may ever know.

Biscuits boasting of bountiful busts posing problems

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