Like Bill Murray in Ghostbusters, I’m very fuzzy about good/bad things. But one thing that’s firmly in the bad column, it seems, is shooting porn in China. It’s don’t-even-think-about-it bad.

So here’s the thing: as pornographers, we’re used to people rolling out the red carpet and treating us like royalty where ever we go. Ok, not really, but so long as things are kept fairly quiet, there’s not much in the way of complaints (usually/hopefully).

Enter “Kappa Girl,” so nicknamed because of the store in Shanghai where she worked. Kappa Girl, you see, went a little Paris Hilton and recorded her, ahem, acts of passion on her mobile. While that’s not notable in the US, where about 10 celebrity sex tapes are “stolen” an hour, this is a big deal in China.

Her 12 minute video became an instant download sensation and led to her detention by the police and dismissal from her job. Shooting an amateur video in this workers’ paradise, it seems, is on par with being buddies with the Dalai Lama.

But don’t fret, fellow porn fans! Kappa Girl’s learned the first rule of the free market — everyone’s a whore. She’s charging about $3,000 for a bar appearance, $7,000 to model underwear and demanded $4,300 from a reporter before she’s sit down to an interview.

The Western porn industry’s also graciously stepped in, with UK-based studio Harmony Films offering her a contract to get in on that sweet, sweet, potential billion-plus raincoater market.

Well played, Kappa Girl. Well played… except for the getting arrested thing and the maybe going to jail thing. Are there women in Chinese prison named Large Marge who read Gertrude Stein?

‘Kappa Girl’ fired for sex video

Pity the poor, glamorous, good-looking women and all the discrimination they face. These comely ladies, never knowing an easy day, are passed over for promotions, social advancement and even dates by their middle-of-the-bell curve competition.

Will nothing come easy for these females who are so easy on the eyes?

They are in Japan, apparently, where the beautiful struck a blow against discrimination by putting their more average Japanese sex worker sisters in the unemployment line.

Japanese news reports noted that “operators” of sex businesses are finding “pretty women” looking for work due to the recession. Julia Roberts could not be found for a comment, nor was it known if any of these operators answered to the name of Huggy Bear.

Showing a gift for the obvious,’50s slang enthusiast and reporter Yukio Kamimura said, “Good-looking dames are necessary to bring back repeat customers.”

Of more interest to daddy-o’s and hip cats everywhere, however, is the fact that women are encouraged to do more. Massage parlors that usually limited services to “sumata,” or penile labial massage, are now giving the OK to go all the way. Other women are following the example of spray-on hair and the Super Bass-o-Matic, going direct to the consumer by offering more for less than a “rub down.”

Plain Janes out in the cold as sex businesses attract beauties

Of all the holidays manufactured by greeting card companies, no manufactured greeting card holiday is worst than Valentine’s Day. Arbor Day is a close second, but that’s not important here.

What is important is that the universal feelings of expectations that can’t ever be met and that one is an incomplete mutant if you’re not locking lips on Feb. 14 is also Japanese.

But rather than wallow and write lyrics to bad goth music — and don’t say you’ve never done that — Japanese men and women celebrate their, um… celibacy. Calling their movement “himote,” mo-toko (dudes) and mo-jo (chicks) eschew any activities that attract the opposite sex and relationships that will lead to romantic entanglements.

On the upside, there’s never any awkwardness about who pays for dinner. Or whether watching porn on a date is a good idea.

Mo-Tokos and Mo-Jos feel that relationships hinder “the potential for personal realization,” which, strangely, is exactly how I feel about my ex-girlfriends.

Himote: Japan’s unpopular men and women boycott love

Sometimes, you wish for something — say, ABBA getting back together — and you know that as much as you’d like it, it’ll never happen.

But sometimes, the fates feel your pain and give you a reach-around.

Such is the case with this report from The Tokyo Reporter that Japanese housewives have thrown off the shackles of their domestic servitude and let their freaky flags fly for (mostly) fun and profit (not so much).

Not content with scrubbing, cleaning and cooking, these ladies want to be sexed up. But these women are hardly “providing” out of financial need: most of them are apparently spoiled, but don’t get enough of the ol’ in-out at home.

It’s not unlike a real-life Japanese Cougars Gone Wild.

And unlike Candy from Craigslist who says she’s she a nympho coed with D cups, there’s a fair chance you’ll be able to get what’s advertised and scratch your horny housewife itch when hooking up with these hookers. About 60 percent of the working girls claiming to be hitched are estimated to be the real married McCoy.

Notice, though, that they aren’t happily married.

Salacious stories of desperate housewives may even be true

Proving once again that they live 10 years ahead of the rest of the world in some kind of rip in time-space, Japan makes another stride to robots being those of the heroic and friendly Astroboy variety — or another step towards a dyspeptic, Terminator-inspired future.

For the time being, though, a rent-a-cop sentrybot was demonstrated by Tmsuk Co. and Alacom Co. Rather than a payload of miniguns and phased-plasma rifle in the 40 watt range, though, it fires a net.

You know, like Spiderman… and not like ED-209.

Then again, maybe the subway gropers and underskirt scofflaws shouldn’t beware that much.

Japanese firms unveil ‘robocop’

Omanko means pussy. This word has been brought to you by Third World Media.

To learn other new words visit the Speak Japanese tab or check out any of Third World Media’s all-Asian releases.

There’s no lack of strangeness that comes from that wonderful, perverse island nation of Japan — which is a good thing because if it did start running dry, I would be out of a job.

In this case, it’s doughnuts from Japanese fast food chain Mister Donuts (not to be confused with The Simpsons’ Mr. Sparkle) which looks a lot like anal beads.

Yum… yum?

This wonderful culinary Rorschach comes from Topless Robot and its rundown of Japanese fast food joints. Definitely worth a read.

The 10 Japanese Fast-Food Joints That Should Be Exported Immediately

January marks the annual pilgrimage of thousands to Las Vegas to view the latest and greatest in consumer electronics at the annual CES show. It’s one of the largest, if not the largest, trade shows in Vegas and if you work in anything close to an industry that uses microprocessors and/or electricity, you have to be there.

Or at least, that’s what the thousands who come to Vegas tell their wives, because after all, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Or at least, you hope that herpes you got in Vegas from that hooker who says she was woman stays in Vegas (it won’t and she wasn’t).

In this case, “going to CES” is an excuse to see the latest and greatest porn and porn stars at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo, conveniently held at about the same time. But unlike shows of the past, this year’s AVN show marked a significant and very obvious omission to any Asianphile.

No Asian porn stars.

There were the usual blonde-haired, blue-eyed, silicone-boobed suspects but nothing from the land of fugu sashimi and hentai.

Usually, a few Japanese companies show up at the show with demure kimono-clad women in tow. Third World Media for example, flew out Junko, from The Kimono Kronicles, and Mirai Haneda, star of Hello Titty 3 last year.

This year, however, there were none to be found. The exception being a Japanese salesgirl pimping a sex toy that looked like a food processor you could stick your johnson in.

You know, like Saw meets Porky’s. Aaahhh… Japan.

True Asian believers, what was your experience at the AVN Show?

Happy New year in Japanese!

To learn other new words visit the Speak Japanese tab or check out any of Third World Media’s all-Asian releases.

Older ladies or “Cougars” as they are known, are hot stuff! They spread their potent scent, looking for a young and strong mate. And no where is this phenomenon truer than in Japan, where Cougars roam the city in search of some tough man meat to dig their sharp teeth and claws into.

Risako is our Japanese Cover Cougar. She is 44 years old, but has kept her fur soft and her skin smooth over the years. She is at home, scouring the Internet for a fresh catch to lick and devour. She is wearing a red see through nightie, as her very large teats perk to life with every thought of the young college boy she just ordered up. She rubs her meaty hole and warms her furry fuck box as her order arrives. He gets her body temperature climbing even higher as her vaginal sap starts to flow. She grabs onto his cock like a piece of raw liver and starts sucking and licking away. Her huge mummeries bounce as his stiff shaft penetrates her seldom used love hole. He slams this pussy’s pussy around, as the room heats up and he gets ready to pull out and cum on her thick and very juicy erect nipple tips. She laps up all the extra cum, just like a good cat should.

Sayori is 42 years old and works for an escort agency. Her customer today is a younger gentleman who has a thing for older women. He awaits her arrival and is surprised to see a Cougar as cute as Sayori. She looks like a doll and quickly changes into her pink nightie. She hops on top and licks his neck and ears, slowly moving with quiet and precise movements southbound to his nipples and awaiting shaft. She purrs as she sucks his sack and licks her way down to his asshole as well. She reams his anus as his mood relaxes and he lets a huge fart out right in her face. He apologizes and she eventually forgives him for his manners, as he rubs her thick tits and massages her naturally oiled clitoris. He licks her ass as well, only this time without any farting. He spreads her pink and chews it out, before she titty fucks his cock and then hops on for a ride. This cougar is from the wild for sure, as her bikini lined buttock rides his meat and sucks his hog up in multiple positions. Her boobs shake around as her body goes limp and he works up a fat, milky one in this hungry felines mouth. She takes a catnap with his cum glued to her lips…

Yukari is an extremely healthy 41-year-old with huge natural tits. She is calling her regular escort agency, looking for a young stud to fill her wild fantasy. A young, tall and skinny dude makes his way over to milk this big titted mama. Her furry hole and bright pink slice are spreading her cougar scent around the room, as he chows down on her deep hole. She returns the favor by licking his body down, sucking his tits and working over his hard dong. She spits on his tip and titty fucks his wanker almost to the point of orgasm. This cougar carries a couple of extra pounds around, but wears it very well. Her fuck chamber is filled with squirt that he gushes around, before some 69 and a hard pussy banging. Her extra baggage jiggles, as her big tits bounce and she begs this young stud for even more. He gives it to her good and works her heart rate up high, as he pulls out and feeds her every last bit of his potent reproductive potion. She is thankful for a taste and promises to have this young stud back again.

Yuko is 47, yet very skinny and pretty too. She is caught up in the current trend of older women who like younger guys. Mr. Abe likes his women older and calls in Yuko. She is a mom, with 3 little kittens, yet she looks just like a fresh feline herself. She changes into lingerie and feeds Abe her fried egg shaped titties. He sucks away at her nipples and she nearly cums from the arousal. Her nipples perk up and point to the sky, as he spreads her legs and tastes her motherly juices. He grabs a huge vibrator to use on her, which she can not handle for too long before cumming over and over again. She slurps and sucks his wiener as if there is no tomorrow. She drools and spits on it, rubbing and stroking away. She licks out his hairy anus and then lies back, as he splits her 47-year-old vagina. He works her skinny frame over good, as her pancake tits twist and turn with every pump. He builds up for a juicy cumshaw, which he lands in her cum-hungry cougar mouth.